CHALLENGING ONESELF AS A WRITER: KEEPING THE SEX SCENE REAL

A recent lead story in the evening news was about a local deputy who is accused of taking sexual liberties with female prisoners. As news stories go, this one was pretty salacious. Of course, there was no actual recounting of the sex. Given the same factual scenario in a work of fiction, the setting was great for writing some serious “Prison Sex" encounters.

As a fiction writer, I have a luxury that news reporters don’t have (or at least shouldn't have). My characters can do anything I want them to, any time, any place, any way. But as any Spiderman fan knows, “With great power comes great responsibility.”  It isn’t enough to place a sex scene in an unusual setting.  There is more to a sex scene than merely making the female and male parts fit together. The scene still has to be believable within the context of the work.

When it comes to writing a sex scene, I have a basic checklist:

A) Set up: is there enough background to support the scene?

Tom dropped the letters into the mailbox slot. He flipped the door several times to make sure that all of the letters fell into the box. Mary, a tall, buxom business woman waiting to deposit her letter tapped her foot impatiently. He turned to her, “Is there a problem?”  Their eyes met, the untamed fire in hers immediately lighting a fire in his groin. He ripped open her blouse as she unfastened his belt.

This scenario doesn’t seem likely even for a hand-held camera, 8mm black and white porno. There needs to be a believable build up, however unlikely the setting. Part, or even a substantial portion, of the build up can occur offstage in indirect action. But the buildup is still necessary. The more improbable the setting, the greater the need for a solid foundation for a sex scene. Even if the scene is just casual sex for the sake of having sex, the characters still need to connect in a believable manner. If the reader remains skeptical that the characters are about to have sex in the scene, then the scene will fail.

B) Foreplay: is there enough?

Bill hit “play”, and set the remote on the arm of the black, leather couch. He put his arm around Suzy, who snuggled closer. She turned her head, and opened her mouth for a kiss. His tongue met hers as he rucked up her skirt. He drove into her powerfully, as relentless as a force of nature.

This is a bit thin on details. The reader is probably going to need a bit more information on their feelings and reactions to tactile stimulation before reaching the “force of nature” bit.

C) Temporal consistency and mechanics: does the sex scene work from technical point of view?

One problem that I’ve found in sex scenes that I’ve edited is that the mechanics of the scene are off. In one memorable scene, the couple is coupling fiercely. Two paragraphs later, she unzips his slacks and takes his cock out. Being old fashioned, I suggested that the paragraphs needed to be reversed. In another scene, the man held her breast in one hand and fingered her dripping pussy with the other. She moaned as he pulled her hair. My question as the editor was, pulled her hair with what? His teeth?

D) Originality: 1) what makes this scene different from the other sex scenes in the book?

Chapter Three: Mary slowly did a scissors split,  impaling herself, as she slid down Tom’s long, thick rod until she was filled.

Chapter Seven: Suzy swung her legs out of the pike position, and flipped one leg over each of the parallel bars. She spread her legs until they were straight out at her sides in a perfect split. Bill reached around her and grabbed her breasts as he slid his long, hard shaft into her until she was filled.

Been there, done that. Yes, Mary was in the bedroom, and Suzy was in the gym. But the novelty of a woman doing the splits wore off after the first time. One of the splits has to go. If the reader really likes the splits scene, then s(he) can reread Chapter Three. Chapter Seven needs to give the reader something new.

2) Word choices?

How many times do the same words or variations on a root word repeat?  Using “throb”or “throbbed” in every sex scene will bore the reader at best, or at worst, produce a throbbing headache. Find some new adjectives.  If in Chapter Three, Mary “slid” until “she was filled”, then in Chapter Seven, Tom’s actions need to be something other than “slid” until “she was filled”.  I would need to find a new verb for “slid”, and a new adjective for “filled”.

In Earth Angel, there was a brief stand alone sex scene that my editor wanted to cut because she didn’t think it added anything. I disagreed because I wanted to change the pace at that point, and work on character development rather than plot development. The scene stayed after we discussed its purpose. But to make sure the scene added something, I still had to make sure that it fit within the internal logic of the overall story, and didn’t merely rehash stock footage from a prior sex scene.  

CK Copyright 11/7/11; Moral rights to be identified as the author of the foregoing article asserted worldwide (including in Great Britain in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patent Act of 1988) (See prior blog on Moral Rights).     

Mind, Groin, or Both. Inserting the Sex Scene

Okay, you've gone to great pains to develop your _____ (insert characters). Enough with the damn plot development. It's time for a sex scene. It's also decision time. What is the purpose of the scene? Is the sex supposed to cement the characters' relationship? Is it a casual release? Is it the breaking point? The purpose of the scene often dictates the best approach to its portrayal.

In Earth Angel, I wanted the sex scenes to further the characters' relationships. Prince Dzhok (who goes by Jack) is a Qpiad (often misspelled as "cupid" in Earthside English). "Make love, not war" is central to his persona. He makes loves often, with over 1,980 offspring. The Qpiad are human appearing humanoids with one significant distinguishing ability. They are always a perfect sexual fit for their partners, regardless of size, species, or color. Jack takes his lovemaking very seriously, and is an All-Realms master of the simultaneous orgasm. Accordingly, with Jack, it was important to focus on his techniques.

Salash, Jack's oldest friend and lover, the mother of 22 of his children, is a full blooded High Sidhe. The High Sidhe are extremely flexible. When an Earthside gymnast scores a "10", the judges should always check for High Sidhe blood. With Salash, I needed to show her flexibility.

Having identified the purpose of the sex scene, the next decision is the lexicon. The mechanics of any sex scene, whether M-F, F-F, or M-M are going to be pretty much the same. Tactile stimulation is followed by some form of penetration in one or more orifices. But the word choices one uses to describe the process are the key. Identify your target, the mind, the groin, or both, and attack.

The Mind: In one sense this is both the easiest and the hardest target. The more that is left to the imagination, the greater the attack on the mind. "He undid another button, then kicked the door shut....Mary woke the next morning..." In this case, the sex is entirely inferential, and may be as hot and kinky or as quick and vanilla as the reader chooses. However, if you truly wish to engage the reader's mind, then be prepared to show the reader everything that happened once the door closed. Describe the mounting sensations, the distended time, and the cataclysmic finale. Focus on anything and everything except the actual physical act, except as may be necessary to describe the next round of sensations. Use metaphors and similes rather than descriptions of the physical act.

  

The Groin: This is probably the easiest approach. Just call it like you see it. Describe the participants' physical attributes in as much detail as you desire, then focus on the mechanics. Be sure to add telling sound effects.

Both: This one is a bit trickier. You need to handle this like a sports broadcast. Part of you needs to write the play by play, while another part provides the "color".

That said, here's a quickie from Earth Angel:

As Salash climbed back onto the bed, Jack flipped over on top of Brunhilde, and slowly guided himself inside her. Although Brunhilde stood a full head taller than Jack, he had no trouble filling her, much to her pleasant surprise. In fact, she remarked that next to Thor, he was probably the largest she had ever had, and she never would have guessed from looking him over just before he got into the bath.

He did not take offense at the comparison. He knew he could be larger than Thor if he so chose. He preferred his current size, which was a custom fit to Brunhilde's hot, wet passage. Salash placed her hands on either side of Brunhilde's head, then pressed herself up into a handstand with her legs straight and together. She then slowly bent at the waist into an inverted pike position until she formed a perfect inverted “L”, with her legs parallel to Brunhilde's body, extending just slightly over Jack's head. Whenever a human gymnast scores a perfect “10”, the officials should always check for Sidhe blood―but they never do. Salash opened her legs, extended her tongue, and slowly bent her arms until her legs rested on Jack's shoulders.

Brunhilde had time for a quick “Showoff!” before Salash's tongue was in her mouth. Jack leaned forward and began tonguing Salash, while vigorously pumping Brunhilde until they all came simultaneously. Let Thor try to pull that one off!

*********************************

EARTH ANGEL By CHARLIE KENMORE

charliekenmore@gmail.com

http://charliekenmore.blogspot.com/

Blurb: There are seven parallel worlds known as the Seven Realms which are separated by a Veil. Six are inhabited by all manner of entities, some natural, some not. That may not be the case for much longer. The first portion of the High Sidhe Prophecy of the Sevens has been fulfilled. The Anarch, who is one with the Veil, has escaped. If she chooses, she can part or drop the Veil or she can lift the Veil in its entirety. The Seven Realms will converge. The laws of physics and magic will collide head on. Unless she is stopped,there will be nothing left.

Queen Amura has called for an assembly of the signatories to the High Sidhe's Second Accords, a multi-realm peace treaty to consider how to deal with the threat of the Anarch. An Earthside TechnoWitch and other dark forces also are  seeking to control the Anarch. Prince Dzhok (Jack), High Sidhe Ambassador Salash (Jack's oldest friendand lover), and Valkyrie Brunhilde set out to find and befriend the Anarch before all is lost.

Purchase Links: http://www.damnationbooks.com/book.php?isbn=9781615724840  (you have toregister-free)

http://www.amazon.com/Earth-Angel-ebook/dp/B005KMQAA2/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315450669&sr=1-1

http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-earthangel-599934-140.html

DUALITY-- BY THE NUMBERS

     Light and darkness. Yin and Yang. Venus and Mars. Optimist or pessimist--half full or half empty. Protagonist and antagonist. A fantasy writer seeks out the duality at the core of any story line. Really, who wants to read a story about good and good? Despite the spin, it’s a binary world. Things do or don’t happen, and are or are not. As Yoda succinctly explained, “Do or do not, there is no try.” 

     Duality is everywhere, if one knows what to look for. Take numbers for example. Absolutes, right? Not necessarily. January U.S. labor figures came out showing substantial and continuous job growth. According to the commentators on channel 47, it’s good news. However, according to the talking heads on channel 48, it’s horrendous news. In fact, according to some of the talking heads, the numbers aren’t even real (which makes no sense since there are no “i”’s next to the reported numbers). Same numbers. Go figure. On deeper reflection, though, one should hardly be surprised. In the US, an octodecillion is a one followed by fifty-seven zeros. In Britain, the same number is one followed by 108 zeros. Similarly, a vigintillion is one followed by sixty-three zeros in the US, and 120 zeros in Britain. 

     One is the identity number. Number one gets parades and cereal box covers. Number two, well, who remembers who took the silver medal in women’s curling in Nagano in 1998? Gotcha, it was a trick question. Denmark took the silver, but it was their first medal in winter Olympic history, a fortiori, an event memorable because it was a number one. Generally speaking, however, number two fades rapidly into the mists of memory.

     Two is twice one, and serves as the basis for our binary world, yet doesn’t even appear in base two. In base ten, we call “10” “ten”. In base two, we call “10” “two”, but does it look like a two to you? Of course not. It is a classic case of appearance versus reality, a fundamental precept in fantasy writing, which mercifully finally brings us to the point.

     Writing is the product of a continuous subconscious stream of binary choices. At each step, the Muse is checking off countless boxes with yeses and noes. Each yes or no has consequences for the story which affect the story’s appearance, and thus, the reader’s willingness to suspend disbelief and accept your character’s actions. 

     Let’s build a fantasy character. Right off the bat, the binary computer goes to work. Since we’re dealing with fantasy, question one is whether or not the character is animate? Check “yes” or “no”. If “yes”, continue to question two. Is the character human? Jumping ahead, we’ve checked “animate-yes”, “human-yes”, “female-yes” and after several dozen more questions, we have “Mackenzie”, age 18, blonde, hair to mid back, C cup bra, honors student, lives with parents,sings in her church choir-soprano.

            As Mackenzie stepped forward for her solo, he spied the dark stranger sliding into the      last pew. Smiling, she....

      She what? Well, that depends on a number of binary choices. What is Mackenzie’s basic character, sacred or profane?  If your Muse checked “yes” for “sacred”, it is unlikely that upon viewing the dark stranger, Mackenzie felt her nipples harden and developed a tingling between her legs. More likely, “Smiling, she felt (‘joy’, ‘love’, ‘compassion’, ‘hope’, ‘vindication’)...” Conversely, why is the dark stranger there? Does he have designs on Mackenzie? Yes. Does he mean her harm? No. Does he want her sexually? No (at least not yet). Ultimately, the reader will learn that the dark stranger is there to save Mackenzie from the visiting imposter Episcopalian clergyman who, in fact, is really Formorii (Irish nasties--defeated at the Second Battle of Magh Tuireadh, but I digress).

       The writer’s job is to get the story down in black and white. Like my holiday gift tee shirt says, “Even if it’s crap, just get it on the page.” Once it’s down, then the writer can go back and check the Muse’s decision making process, and flip the occasional yes to no or no to yes until the story has the appropriate appearance. Once that is done, the binary choice flips over to the reader who will like it or not. The rest is just commentary.

CK Copyright 2/7/12; Moral rights to be identified as the author of the foregoing article asserted worldwide (including in Great Britain in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patent Act of 1988) (See prior blog on Moral Rights).