Sunday, June 7, 2015


     Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be known as busybodies. Notwithstanding, it is time to put an end to the conservative Christians’ persecution by the secular left. As a lifelong member of the latter, it behooves me to take a stand before it is too late. Since the 2016 elections are looming, we need to end the war now so that at least a small portion of the election season can be devoted to addressing real issues. Accordingly, let me proffer a two pronged olive branch in the interests of peace as follows:
     Let us take a moment to explore Plan A. This Plan has only two prerequisites. First, the conservative Christians (hereinafter referred to as the “Persecuted”) need to prove the existence of their deity. Objective proof of the existence of the Persecuted’s deity will go a long way towards forcing the narrow minded secular lefties to consider the potential benefits to establishing and enforcing the dictates of a theocracy.
     Second, the Persecuted need to prove their credentials to make representations on behalf of the deity established in step one. Unfortunately, just proving the existence of their deity will not suffice, since there are over 40,000 different Christian sects and countless non-Christian sects. Accordingly, if the Persecuted want the slavish devotion of secular lefties, they must demonstrate that their word is the one, true, infallible Word.
     Given the difficulties in providing proof of the existence of the Persecuted’s deity, let us take a moment to consider Plan B. Plan B is really simple. All the Persecuted have to do is acknowledge that not everyone agrees with them. Given the aforesaid over 40,000 Christian sects alone, even the Persecuted do not agree amongst themselves. This lack of agreement or even consensus need not affect the Persecuted’s core beliefs. It only requires them to accept that their beliefs are only their beliefs, and that said beliefs may not be shared by others. The secular lefties already understand that not everyone believes exactly what they believe.
     In practice, accepting the concept that other people may not share the Persecuted’s beliefs will require some behavioral modifications. The Persecuted’s deity always agrees with whatever the Persecuted want. It hates whatever the Persecuted hate. But this personalized deity only works for the Persecuted, and not for anyone else. Accordingly, when making representations on behalf of the deity, the Persecuted will have to learn to use the possessive adjective “my”. For example, “My God hates ______ (insert appropriate hated object, i.e. Jews, Blacks, Feminists, non-sculpted body types, avocados, Jayhawks).” Eventually, the repeated use of the adjective “my” will help the Persecuted understand just how narrow minded, bigoted and obnoxious they are when directing, commanding or dictating how everyone who is different from the Persecuted has to live her or his life.
     Once the Persecuted accept the simple concept that not everyone agrees with them, the “War on Christians” will be over. A brave new world of perceptions will arise in which everyone is entitled to their own beliefs without the need to reinforce their insecurities over said beliefs by forcing others to join in said beliefs. AND THE LAND SHALL KNOW PEACE AT LAST.

CK copyright 2015. Moral rights to be identified as the author of the foregoing article asserted worldwide (including in Great Britain in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patent Act of 1988)

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